Vampire Girl Vs. Frankenstein Girl – Review

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Review

The following is my attempt to script notes in preparation for a review of VGirl Vs. FGirl and my subsequent total failure to come to grips with the source material.

‘It’s like a western with bandages and masochism instead of six-shooters and Stetsons…

Why did that flying skull just chew off a cyborg xombie’s nose and then consume her face?

What jus-

They made a sound like coconuts stacking…

Am I mentally qualified to analyse this?

It’s like, it’s like a pantomime directed in a poundshop by secondary school students…

Must be a cultural thing

… Then they start cutting themselves…

“Not too deep: avoid the artery”

What are… ???

Ohforfuckssake

JesuschirsttheyrewearingBlackface/chanting Obama, Obama/Yes we can

It’s like a softcore script cultivated from the guro fetish segment of fanfic.net …

A genuine and hilarious typo in the subtitles.

Goddammit, I thought I learnt my lesson after Tokyo Gore Police and Yo-Yo Girl Cop.

Music video blood transform scene? Singing in the [blood] rain?

Please stop.

*CAPTAIN TO ENGINE ROOM! CAPTAIN TO ENGINE ROOM!

INCREASE TO 1.5 TIMES SPEED IMMEDIATELY!

Guuuuuuuuaaaa

2.0 X SPEED! HURRY!*

SEXY DANCE! SEXY DANCE! EYEBALL NIPPLE RUB. PANTENE PROVEE ADVERT HAIRBLOODDANCE

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>OHFUCKSSAKE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>WHYTHE

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>OHFORFUCKSSAKEOHFORFUCKSSAKEOHFORFUCKSSAKE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>’

BANG. REALITY SLAP.

So yeah. VGirl Vs. FGirl was a little bit much, mostly in terms of its nonsensicality, godawful acting and general air of carboot sale sinbin (Now 50% off). It’s a peculiar film in that it’s so bad it’s technically not a turkey, it sees the gutter looming and dives straight for it, rolling around gleefully in a stream of arterial sauce. Really, every plot hole is essentially dealt with through more gore or something so completely bizarre you immediately forget about it so you can impotently flap your jaw to the tune of ‘whatthefuuu-’.  If however, you find yourself an advocate of softcore guro then you’ll find yourself right at home – there is some truly whacked up body morphism going on here, though perhaps inferior to Tokyo Gore Police in this regard (And most other regards). In fact, it’s probably better to treat this less a film than a loose collection of stills occasionally interspersed by some avante guard video segments – like some sort of Tate Installation where the themes are darkly comic mutilation and visceral whimsy, with a side order of Lolita fashion. An interpretation reinforced by the overwhelming desire to activate 2.0 X speed during the dreary talking segments that cap each explosion of cherry red gore and madcap haming. Best watched while totally plastered, or with a box of tissues handy if you’re into that sort of thing.

P.S

Be prepared to pause and carefully explain to audience members what Ganguro means.

Really I’m just bitter because V.Girl and F.Girl totes didn’t lezz it up.

Score_P3_T4
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About Gregory Scrawl

Stuff, stuff, stuff. Comment and criticism always welcome. Feel free to contact me if you find any of my work interesting.

Posted on July 3, 2013, in Action, Horror, Review, Sci-Fi and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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